What if Santa’s elves are like the ones in Lord of the Rings?
"legolas what do your elf eyes see?"
"TIMMY THOMPSON FROM ST. JOHN’S JUST STUCK GUM IN HIS SISTERS HAIR"
i wanna be so close to someone that we can talk all night and never get tired
Happy Bunday! Thanks, Rosalyn and bunny Puffalump!
saying women shouldn’t be allowed to get abortions because they were the ones who had unprotected sex is like saying smokers shouldn’t receive treatment for lung cancer or drivers shouldn’t receive treatment in a car crash because they knew the risks when they got a driving license
I think it’s safe to say you’re probably smarter than a lot of the government.
- Attempted scaring my husband coming home from work, he knew I was there
- I told him to go back and do it again, but to act scared this time!
- Instead of scaring him, apparently I airbended the crap out of him and it was so powerful that it knocked him to the ground
- This is why I love him
Ughhhhhhhh why do I give so many fucks?!?! It’s unfair. I want to be emotionless, but I can’t. This is too cute.
calling people on the phone is more stressful than open heart surgery
Nothing will fuck up your twenties more than thinking you’re supposed to have your shit together.
and seeing people who actually have their shit together